A few posts ago I stated irritatingly punctuated J-pop mega-entity Hello! Project puts out about 100 songs a year. Since I made this statement on the internet and no one corrected me, it must be true. And yet, it’s more like a number I just pulled out of my ass. There’s no easy way out of this paradox. It’s going to involve…counting. Yes, no one else has counted the number of songs these people have put out each year. Worse than that, no else has made a list of just the songs for each year. I will have to look up each release and…count the songs. Because records are not episodes of long-cancelled tv shows, wikipedia is not always a help here. Luckily I’ve found a new independent fan wiki (and others) to help with this pointless task.

[NOTE: I’m only counting original songs, not covers, “album versions”, remixes or re-releases (lotta those). Permission to double-check: granted. Just keep in mind this is not an exact science and also that life is worth living. Gambatte.]

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97: MH: 2 MM: 1 = 3
98: MH:15 MM:14 TP:2 YN:6 = 29
99: CN:2 CT:4 MH:4 MM:14 PM:2 TC:6 TP:11 YN:2 = 45
00: CN:1 CT:4 MH:5 MK:4 MM:14 NA: 1 PM:2 SD:2 SG:4 TC:2 TP:4 YM:2 YN:2 47
01: AM:8 CN:2 CT:5 MG:3 MH:4 MK:4 MM:5 mm:9 PM:4 SD:5 SG:5 TP:4 YM:2 YN:4 = 64
02: AM:13 CT:3 GM:1 MG:8 MH:2 MM:17 mm:16 MF:8 MK:6 PM:3 TP:2 SG:4 YN:2 YM:2 = 87
03: AA:2 AM:13 CT:4 RM:2 OA:2 PM:1 MF:7 MG:10 MK:13 MM:14 mm:23 MO:2 SG:4 YM:2 YN:3ZYX:2 = 104
04: AM:15 BK:16 CT:2 EM:1 KI:14 MG:10 MK:14 MM:14 mm:5 MO:1 MS:1 NA:11 NN:2 NR:1 SG:3 UU:4 VU:2 YM:4 YN:7 = 124
05: AM:9 BK:14 DD:1 KI:10 MG:11 MM:8 NA:4 SG:3 UU:11 VU:18 = 91

～ AA: Aa! | AM: Aya Matsuura | BK: Berryz Koubou | CT: Country Musume| CN: Coconuts Musume | DD: DEF.DIVA | EM: Ecomoni | GM: Gomattou | KI: Kaori Iida | MF: Miki Fujmoto | MG: Maki Goto | MH: Michiyo Heike | MK: Melon Kinenbi | NA: Natsumi Abe | MM: Morning Musume | mm: MiniMoni/MiniHams | MO: MM Otomegumi | MS: MM Sakuragumi | NN: Nochiura Natsumi | NR: Natsumi Abe & Rika Ishikawa | OA: Okeisan & Abe Natsumi | PM: Pucchimoni | RM: Romans | SD: Sheki Dol | SG: [shuffle groups] | TC: Taiyo & Ciscomoon/T&C Bomber | TP: Tanpopo | UU: W | VU: v-u-den | YM: Yuki Maeda | YN: Yuko Nakazawa | ZYX: ZYX ～

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That all took at least 5 hours. But I was kinda right, so, clearly, I’m not wasting my life here.

Anyway, we can see that things started off simply for the H!P but by 2005 it was out of control. And this was before °C-ute, S/Mileage and a number of groups with meaningless mathematically notated names. These groups made a lot of songs and many were great or at least catchy and/or “fun”. Were some of these songs terrible? You bet. Saying that every H!P song is great isn’t just drinking the Kool-aid, it’s trying to eat the paper cup. No matter how much you like Kool-aid the entire package is not digestible.

Now, I like the early stuff. It’s kinda cheesy, kinda wrong…whatever. It hits the right notes emotionally, if not technically. Before the dawn of autotune, voice lessons and the better singers that would eventually come (and leave) H!P, it was an enjoyable but quaint operation. But what the group is rightfully known for is batshit maximalism. This didn’t really happen until their 8th single LOVE Machine in 1999 and to lesser extent the followup Koi no Dance Site in early 2000.

So that knocks of a couple years. I’m also knocking off those two songs cause everybody reading this already knows them (I just linked to them). And the videos are pretty bad, right? Worse than dated, they seem like they’re ten years older than they are. The success of these songs is what got them the budget for their best videos. The video shouldn’t count, but something’s gotta count. Out of a total of 594 songs I can only pick 10. Also this is the internet. It’s a blog post. I’m gonna post the videos. But I tried not to let it sway me too much. Joshi Kashimashi Monogatari, for example, is hard to defend as a song.

A lot of songs by the other groups hold up tho. Tanpopo, Pucchi Moni and the Otome/Sakuragumi splinter groups did some of my favorite songs. But were those songs better than Momusu’s Big Singles? I have to say no. Because I already made the list and I can’t spend anymore time on this. It’s killing me. Literally. Halfway through counting the 2004 singles they had to attach an IV. They’re real nice to me here. But understandably worried. I worry more about them; I suspect they’re starting to take AKB48 seriously. Even the thought is unbearable.

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If you’re looking to buy, all of the songs below are on the very nicely packaged ALL SINGLES COMPLETE double disc. If you’re looking to explore beyond that into the other groups you want the “Petit Best” comps.

But that way lies madness. And some good songs. But now, I present to you:

The Top 10 Hello! Project Songs from 1999-2005 which are all Morning Musume Songs but not Love Machine or Koi no Dance Site Because That’s Too Easy and the Videos are Not Very Good and This Is the Internet, But Let’s Stick to The Songs That Are Actually Good Songs, In Alphabetical Order:

1. “AS FOR ONE DAY” [2003]

2. “Do it! Now” [2002]

   
   “Koko ni Iruzee!”

3. “Iroppoi Jirettai” [2005]

4. “Osaka Koi no Uta” [2005]

5. “Ren’ai Revolution 21” [2000]

   
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