…nope. Just the usual. Trying to clean things up. Over on tumblr I’ve been posting mostly links and reblogs with few comments. Thinking about a lot of stuff. Saving things up for real discussions or more in-depth posts. Have a lot of things in the queue I’m trying to clean out by the end of April, but I like to keep the posts in bunches. I’d like to keep to one or two a day. Most people use the site more like livejournal or as an imagedump. I stopped trying to follow everyone back a while ago. Still not that many followers but the amount some people post is crazy. I really keep up with the feed and just check in with the others. Then there’s the fucked up shit. Lotta that. Racism is a real trend. Certain things, it used to punk rock to co-opt, but you can’t really do it anymore. Sad developments. Not for new stuff as much as the old stuff. Some of the kids out there are getting the wrong decoder rings. Hopefully they can figure this out on their own cause most adults are super fucked by this point, I can’t deal with kids, and no one reads this blog.

And people just keep dying.* Try to keep my list relevant to people I cared about. They’re saying Poly Styrene now or maybe not. She’s 53 with some bad cancer either way. I talked about Kurt Cobain a little before, maybe I made it sound like he was a role model to me. I should make it more clear that when I was a teenager I wasn’t looking up to him as someone like me who had “made it”, but someone like me who had remained alive for what then seemed an impressive amount of time. It wasn’t that much of a shock when he went. I’m kinda grateful now I missed out on some of the drama surrounding that. (I made up for it later.) But I should also make it clear I grew out of feeling that way. Instead I looked up to people like Joey Ramone and Joe Strummer. When they both died at 50, this seemed to me a reasonable age to kick it. Not intentionally, but just to live in such a way that it catches up to you right about then. I only stopped thinking like this maybe a year ago. Trying to remind myself of all this because I’ve been getting frustrated with myself and where I’m at in life, I just feel behind other people career-wise or whatever (never wanted my own family) and I just need to remember the whole decade-long nihilistic tailspin of my own creation (well, I had help). Oh right, that. That could be it.

I committed to an artist’s life, whatever that means, pretty early. Most of what I make, whatever medium, sucks. Same as most artists, tho. Even the good ones. But it’s about the life. Been thinking about when I was a kid, I was just a nerd and just getting into music, before the real problems started. I think I can blame religion for some of that. I would hate to be responsible for steering anyone towards religion. I like Buddhism and Taoism as just the bare minimum of something to not be a complete bastard. I think whatever could work if you keep it stripped down, just to check yourself not to be a raging asshole. The Jesus thing does not work for me tho just because of the history (personally and the whole thing really). Seems to also be short-hand for anti-Semitism is some cases. The whole cross thing, I hate it. But I would never use the upsidedown cross cause if you really go into Catholicism, it’s the symbol for St. Peter. It’s different if you don’t know that of course, but I’m scarred for life.

*few more here

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