I think you’ve figured out what it is, self. You don’t really feel like you did when you are a teenager. You were miserable as a teenager. You had plenty of friends, you were getting laid, you even got into the school you wanted at the end there. There was money for records and books without much real work. Still there was a kind of constant crushing depression. Now you aren’t depressed in the same way at all, even though money is low, work is…work, friends are rarely seen, getting laid seems not a remote possibility. There were periods where you were thinking more clearly. It’s about the company you keep, or in this case, do not keep. It’s not a revelation about religious or sexual orientation, you’ve just got poor judgement about who to hang onto and who to run away from. Like anyone you truly have something in common with, who might get you somewhere you actually want to go; those people get ditched for some obscure reason. Even now, you’re thinking more having to tell someone to fuck off because they aren’t the type of person you were talking about. That is the bigger concern than going nowhere forever. Forget that. The bad news is you aren’t currently around the right the people, the people who used to be all around that you blew off for no reason. But the good news is you aren’t around the wrong people. The people aren’t wrong themselves, you’ve just got entirely different agendas in life and didn’t want to admit it. You’re on the right track now. Put that stupid doohickey at the end of this bullshit and get back to work. %